What Really Matters? The Bigger Picture.

by Cynthia M. Long
www.asacredmemory.com

We're in the dawn of great transformation. One of the shifts occurring is the way we view death and its process. For eons, in our society, to even whisper the word "death" would cause people to shudder. I've wondered what the fear could be, especially among those who seem dedicated to their religious beliefs, which includes believing in the "here after."

Where does FAITH and TRUST in "the here after" come into the picture?

Most religious and spiritual belief systems tried to instill this teaching for centuries. The fact remains -- plenty of people have doubts. What people model is not consistent with what they say they believe.

Why do people grieve the death of their loved one for years and years? Some never get over the death of the one they hold close. And why is it, if they believe in this heavenly place that most holy books write about, they still fear dying?

Heaven is an eternal place, with no pain, no sorrow, no worries -- total bliss, unconditional love, living among saints, our loved ones, and our precious pets. One never needs or wants, as everything is provided. If we truly believe this, why don't we want this for our loved ones and ourselves? Many traditions of the world celebrate and fully ritualize this milestone of death. Yet many in our society look at this as disrespectful.

Death and the death process are gaining renewed interest. We're beginning to explore and learn more about the ancient traditions and their customs. Hindus, Buddhists, Chinese, Native Americans, and Aborigines are a few of the many traditions who ritualize death and dying and believe in after-life.

Grieving is a natural process we all must go through. It's a stage created to help facilitate the healing process. This process should help us to another level, to be better/healthier human beings. However, "grieving" is part of the fear-based words our society has labeled taboo.

If the dying process is a part of our life and we know inherently that we're going to die, why do we struggle with the word "death"? Isn't this a clue about how strong our belief is in the "here-after?"

I've heard people say that they miss their loved ones and this is why they grieve for so long. In studying the near death phenomena, everyone I've interviewed and come to know has said the same thing. "Our loved ones are very close." I've had visitations from loved ones, myself. As a human, I understand the difficulty of totally believing in something 'way beyond our imagination.

A question to consider -- Why do we sometimes treat our closest relationships poorly, knowing they could die minutes later?

If we consciously think ahead and say to ourselves (before anything is said or done in any scenario presented in our lives) "If so and so died tomorrow, would this issue matter?" Most likely the answer would be NO. Try it sometime and feel the shift you'll make in your closest relationships.

Another question to ponder --"If my son or daughter died yesterday, would their clothes tossed all over their room today be a focus of my emotions tomorrow?"

I can tell you now; their clothes will take on another role in your life and will shift you to the deepest part of your heart instead of anger. Parents have taken these pieces of clothing after their child passes on; have kept them in the same disorder for months after. Ask the parent whose child left for school one morning, kissing their mother good-bye for the last time in their short life. His/her room became a sanctuary. There are many examples just like this one. We read and hear about them but seem to forget, as time moves forward. Why do we place so much value on things that don't truly matter? We want our children to be responsible but looking at the grand scheme of things, what matters most?

How do we begin to make the necessary changes to help create deeper, stronger and healthier bonds with those we hold close?

One other question to consider --"If my loved one died tomorrow, have I shared all I've wanted to share with them? Have I expressed my love and how I feel about them?"

Again, in our society, sharing feelings hasn't been an acceptable practice, especiallyy among men. Feelings have been tucked under that dusty carpet for too long and sometimes come spewing out in dysfunctional ways. Other times, feelings are held so close that illness sets in. In the past, to share any feelings, especially from the heart, has been considered a weakness. This is all changing and it's about time.

A few years ago, I almost lost my son due to depression. He had a plan to end his life. I had no idea that this was an option for him. It was one of the most challenging times in my life. On the spiritual side, it got me to the next level of my growth. J was a over achiever, a star athlete, 4.3 student and everything he touched turned to success. He was also successful, going to the other end of the spectrum with drugs, alcohol and everything associated with those substances. I began to understand J is partly here to help ME learn patience and also work on loving others, unconditionally. I've come a long way with both of these lessons and I thank my J for facilitating. He's been a great teacher for me.

Death has been at my door more than once with J. At 3 ½ he was run over by a semi-truck and we almost lost him. During that month long stay, he got staph infection. His fever ran almost off the monitor and again, J was almost on deaths doorway. Also, during this hospital stay, they found a kidney problem due to a birth defect and he was about to lose his kidney. That experience alone brought me to my knees. There were many very ill children surrounding us daily.

This encounter began my journey of what death and its process meant to me. Being up close forces one to look way beyond the surface of life.

What I've learned through all the close encounters and death itself, the only thing that really matters is LOVE. All the stuff we collect, or that we think matters, leave us at some point in time. We place too much emphasis on things and our most precious relationships have suffered.

It's taken me many years to come to this moment in time and many stages to get here. I feel that's probably how it should unfold to come to a place where we can objectively observe and come to healthier, loving and mature decisions based on the entire picture and include all people involved. We can also take things as they come and know we'll make it somehow, because we always do. And to understand, if some things don't come together, it's for our highest good. Something better will follow.

I leave you with this last thought - if we consciously treated every person (beginning with those we hold close) as if they would not be here tomorrow, our entire world would begin to shift and peace would start to unfold..

Namaste,

Cynthia M. Long
www.asacredmemory.com